Friday, November 12, 2010

Things have been crazy busy as of late.  The wedding is right around the corner.  We're half-way through the semester, and I'm counting down the days before my upcoming vacation.  With everything that needs to be done between none and then, if I had my way, I’d add a few extra hours to each day.  Maybe then I wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed! 

Oh well, what does this bride-to-be expect?!  If these are the least of my worries, I should relax!  Enough of the whining!!! 

I can handle busy.  I can even handle hectic.  And I can handle sad.  But it takes a lot to handle all of these emotions/states of being at once.  Yes, I think we all get overwhelmed every once in awhile…no matter how petty our stressors might seem.   And at this moment, I, indeed, am overwhelmed…even if it isn’t warranted. 

I think we all like time to fly at just the right moments: when we’re in a meeting, while we’re at work, when we’re in an extremely awkward situation, or when something terrible happens and life seems downright miserable.  But generally speaking I don’t think any of us wants to watch life pass us by.  We want time to last forever, and the most important moments in our lives to never pass.  We want time to travel slowly.  We don’t want to wake up and find ourselves to be ninety years old, reflecting back on what “could have been”.      

With that said, life as of late has been a bit sad.  As the days pass, and my wedding day approaches closer and closer in the near future, I regretfully recognize that each day past is one I'll never have again.  Each experience had is how it will be remembered, told, and recited as a piece of my history.  Each day lived becomes our past.  For instance, my Mom's fifty-fifth birthday was just a few days back.  It was a miserable birthday for her.  My younger sister’s cat unexpectedly died that day, just a few weeks after our family's dog, Lizzie, passed.  This amongst a number of other personal matters didn’t make the day her best.  Yet, it was her fifty-fifth birthday: double nickels.  It should have been special. 

Jeremy’s birthday was just four days prior to my Mom’s, marking four of his birthdays that we’ve celebrated without him here on this earth.  We hiked and biked the Pennsylvania Grand Canyon located outside of Wellsboro in his memory, witnessed the first snowfall of the season while looking out into the canyon’s deep ravine, and watched Joe Paterno win his four-hundredth football game while eating great food at a rustic rural bar.  Jeremy always wanted to kayak the waters that parallel the Pine Creek Trail found deep within this beautiful canyon.  He never got a chance to do this so we figured we’d visit the spot for him, because he can’t.  It was too cold to kayak, so hiking and biking had to suffice.  Autumn, college football, snow, and the outdoors were pieces of Jeremy’s favorite pastimes.  It would have been a good birthday for him had he been here.   

As each day passes, life changes more than I’d like.  Last time I went back home to my parent’s house in Bellefonte, Lizzie wasn’t there.  The house just didn’t feel the same.  Call me silly, but dogs truly are man’s best friend.  While I ate dinner, no one begged me for food.  No one came up to me while I was sitting on the baseboard heating vent trying to stay warm begging for me to rub her rear or hold her hand.  It was sad.  Lizzie loved to be touched.  She loved being a part of our family.  Certainly, she’s a dog who will forever be missed.   

Planning for my wedding hasn’t been all that hard.  It’s been a piece of cake if you’d really like to know the truth.  Brad and I have an awesome wedding planner, and we’re simple people so there hasn’t been all too much excitement or drama.   Am I missing out on one of life’s great experiences?  After all, this is the one and only wedding I’m intending to have.  I don’t want to blink and realize it’s all over. 

I remember being a kid and thinking, ‘I’ll have 25 years before I’m thirty. That’s a long time!’  Well it wasn’t.  I blinked and time brought me just about here.     

As we pass through life’s milestones, I’m learning it’s important to realize that life doesn’t stop.  We can’t dwell on how fast life flies by.  I guess we can, but really, there’s not a thing we can do to make it stop.  All we can do is live, and treasure the memories we have here today. 

Yes, my wedding will soon become my past, another marker to add to my list. As the second hand ticks, this day too will come and go.  All that will remain is what will be filed away deep within my brain.

On a much lighter note: my next upcoming book-signing will be held at the State College Barnes & Noble from 1-4pm on Sunday, December 19!  Come out and check out Leaving Virginia.