September 28, 2010

So I read an interesting comment posted on Facebook earlier in the day today. This comment expressed an individual’s opinion on “parenting” vs. “having children”.  The writer became upset after noticing other parents neglected to take their children to football, soccer or baseball practice.  These children were enrolled in the activity at hand but the parent failed to stay for a game, or had a fellow “soccer mom/dad” bring their child to practice for them.

My opinion on this subject contrasts with the writer’s.  I’m curious of yours, and of your experiences being that I am not a parent. 

When I was a little girl I absolutely loved swim team; however, my parents had three other children and weren’t able to devote every Saturday during swim team season to sitting poolside to watch me swim for maybe a total of three minutes throughout the course of the entire day.  My Dad had a farm and he needed to care for the animals in addition to caring for Joe, Steph and Jeremy while my Mom worked weekends at the hospital to earn extra money for school shoes, tuition and whatever else. So another swim team mom would drive me to meets along with her own two children who both participated in the sport with me.  My parents weren’t incompetent parents because they weren’t able to take me to my own meets; they just had other more central responsibilities at the time.  Maybe if I were an only child they would have attended my meets, but then I would have been robbed of the opportunity to form invaluable relationships with my siblings.  I wouldn’t have ever wished for this. So my parents knew that I loved swim team, and they found a way to get me to my meets even if they could not be present in person all of the time.  Of course, they would do their best to attend whenever they could but this wasn’t as often as maybe either of us would have liked.  It wasn’t as if they had abandoned me each weekend.  They weren’t trying to get rid of me.  They weren’t spending their weekends off in Vegas while dumping their kids off on a friend.  They just couldn’t make it to my meets. It was as plain and simple as that.

Fortunately, I understood, and I didn’t take their absence to heart.       

So I’ll stop in my tracks right there!  That’s my rant for the day.  I’m sure some people could have made the same comment about my parents at the time ─ that they were neglectful of me ─ and maybe they did; I doubt it.  I’d like to think most people avoid placing judgment on another considering more often than not we’re not fully aware of another’s extenuating circumstances.

Still, being that we are all human, it’s difficult not to judge another’s actions or inactions especially when we might feel we’re doing a good job at whatever our role might be.  Parenting is just one example.      

If one day I choose to become a parent, all probability suggests I won’t be perfect either.  I’m sure I’ll try my best to make my kid’s life the best it can be, but I’m going to screw up.  It’s inevitable.  We all will, no matter what feat we attempt.  The reality is we’re human.    

I try to remember this when I see a kid running wild at the grocery store.  How the heck do I know what that parent went through earlier in that day?  I don’t.  So, how can I possibly judge this parent’s inability to “control their child”? 

I can’t.  And in my mind, it’s not my place to do so.     

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day about women in our society and our obsession with gossiping.  This friend of mine didn’t grow up in the States.  She couldn’t help but notice our society’s obsession with talking about others:  “You don’t have secrets.”  I thought about this for a second.  I know my circle of female friends and relatives loves to gossip….And my future husband too!  Heck, I might be the queen bee of all gossipers ─ nothing I’m proud of! Considering this, I know all too well how important it is to remember that until we walk in another’s shoes we don’t know how we’ll react to their specific circumstances.  Of course, when viewing the situation from the perspective of an outsider we might be able to say “this is what I’d do if I were you”….BUT is it really what we would do?  Is it actually how we would respond?  Most of us are pretty good at giving advice.  We know the “right” thing to do, but how often is the “right” response the one implemented?  I know for me it’s easier to give advice than to live it out.  This conversation with my good friend was an excellent reminder to me of how important it is to keep some things to myself.  If I promise to keep a secret, in most cases I ought to do just what I promised…keep it!    

In a society where we can’t stop talking about others ─ what she said, what she was wearing, what her husband did ─ I think it’s important to be reminded every once in awhile that not one of us is perfect.  We won’t know how we’ll respond to a situation or how we’ll feel when x happens until we are in that exact situation, and all likelihood suggests we’ll never be in that EXACT situation.

Just a little food for thought.

Switching gears… 

Yesterday I found myself running outside in a pool of flowing water flooding the roadways.  As I stomped through two to three inch puddles assembling to create streams of rapidly flowing water paralleling the brim of the road, the world around me paused in time.  In fact, for one hour, nineteen minutes, and seventeen seconds, as rain poured in buckets out of the sky and onto my head, and my arms and my legs, I smiled frozen in the moment.  Nothing around me seemed to matter.  As I ran faster and faster I didn’t even notice my breath.  The sound of the rain hitting the ground muffled all my concerns.  My thoughts turned to silence. The fact that I invited over 350 guests to my wedding knowing that it’s going to be a tight squeeze to fit 300 people into the reception hall, I no longer cared.  Oh heck, we’d rent a tent if that’s what it came to. The fact that I still hadn’t made up the exam for my evening class scheduled for that same exact day didn’t faze me one bit!  All I cared about was the fact that I was running my weary body through the pouring rain ─ the beautiful, implausible, falling rain. 

Rain does a good job of washing away all sorts of debris.  A good downpour will clean just about anything off of your car!  (Don’t tell Brad I spoke such words! He’s always sure to give our cars a good clean at least twice a year.)  And it will sure wash away any tears one might have no matter how big or excessive they might ever be.  Yesterday, rain washed white paint off my face.  And it washed away the fact that my shoulder hurt from painting our garage a day earlier when I was miserable about painting the garage.  Why the heck does a garage need a paint job anyway!?  That’s how I felt.  I was wrong.  A white wash turns even a garage upside down.  That pouring rain took two coats of mascara off of my lashes, and it sure as heck returned my soiled shoes back to the very white hue they displayed when I took them out of their fresh box a few months back. 

Rain doesn’t just wash debris away.  It reminds me that there’s something else out there, something far bigger than me.  I can’t tell you what it is about the rain that gives me this insight, it just is.  The fact that rain can fall from the sky really is something.    

We live in a crazy world, one where very bad things happen, and good things too. One where just over the weekend another college-aged student opened fire onto a campus, and then killed himself.  One where tsunamis killed thousands and devastated millions in Pakistan just a few weeks back.  Sadly, nature and humans alike certainly are capable of very terrible acts.  But just the same, we have the potential to do so much good.  In a world with such sadness this cannot be forgotten.

With all of the chaos and adversity this world might bring to the table, strangely enough it seems the craziest part of our existence is the fact that we do indeed exist.  To think that here we are roaming around, dressing ourselves in fashionable clothes, driving around in luxury cars, going to work day after day, getting caught up in the mundane activities of our daily lives ─ that soccer game, that aerobics class, dinner with friends, the fact that your neighbor never seems to watch any of her kids football practices no matter the day or time ─ here we are existing without a clue as to how we even got here!  That’s pure madness! 

Sure some of us have our beliefs and suspicions as to how we came about, but considering how intricate our bodies are, how complex our thought processes and ideas can be, it’s crazy to think we still don’t have a definitive answer as to what our precise purpose in being here is.  It’s not just crazy, it’s spectacular. 

So, let the rain fall.  Let it drench my body as I run, wash my tears away, and remind me of my humanity, my humility and my place in this world ─ a 29 year old woman just trying to get by, trying to make a difference in just one life, trying to inspire just one soul to continue on. 

Rain is a wonder!  Go out and run in it, stomp in its splendor, laugh in its darkness.  It just might change you outlook on life!

Two weeks back my dear friends and Mom put on a bridal shower and bachelorette party for me back home in Bellefonte.  It was a lot of fun.  Of course, completely, embarrassing, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a good time.  It was nice to catch up with family and see old friends.  My cousins Nate, Katie, and Jason came out for the bachelorette party.  Jason told me my bachelorette party was the best he’d ever attended (of course, it was the only one he had ever been to).  It was really nice to see these guys as it’s been awhile.  Nate has been stationed in South Korea with the military for the past three years, and Jason just recently returned from a tour in Afghanistan.  He’s stationed out of Germany so we don’t get to see him all too often.  Last time I hung out with Jason in downtown State College was something like seven years ago!  His sister, Katie, was just starting graduate school at Penn State then.  Now, she’s just about done.  Jeremy and I had just graduated from Penn State and we both were well on our way to discovering the realities of early adulthood.  I vividly remember telling Katie 5-7 years would fly by “like that”.  How right I was!  Life passes us by far quicker than we know. 

If only we could freeze time and remain in some of our better life moments forever in time.  I suspect life wasn’t meant to work out like that.

Regardless, it was incredibly nice to catch up with my incredible cousins.  And then the following day, I was able to spend time with a handful of my other relatives all of whom I hadn’t seen in a very long time.  It was a really nice weekend, one I’m very grateful for.  My Mom, neighbor Elda, friends and bridesmaids did an awesome job putting together such a set of events.  Thank you guys for all your hard work!  I’m beyond fortunate to have you in my life. 

At the shower I got to see both Jonathan and Natalie.  Jonathan is the son of my friend Kim, and Natalie the daughter of Brad’s sister-in-law.  The two share a birthday and are now both three months old.  Natalie is getting her first few teeth already, and Jonathan is starting to make some of the most adorable noises.  Their mom’s both seem to be settling in to life with new little ones quite well.

As the fall continues on, I’m trying to savor the moments I’m given.  It doesn’t seem like all that long ago Kim called me to inform me of Jonathan’s early arrival.  Nor does it seem like long ago I was opening gifts at my shower.  When I was a little kid the school year seemed to be never-ending.   Now, a semester is like the blink of an eye.  Before I know it I suspect I’ll be plucking gray hairs from my head. 

Pause, just for a moment.  Stop. Come to a halt.  Let me look around and just take in what I’ve got! 

On one final note, my childhood dog, Lizzie, is not faring well.  We’re not sure of her exact age but I suspect she’s somewhere around 14 years old.  She was diagnosed with cancer over a year ago, and just recently seemed to take a turn for the worse.  She’s super resilient and seems to be doing better today after eating some birthday cake and a sloppy joeJ but I suspect her time here might be running out.  My next note will be on our dear Lizzie and her impact on my life.  Whenever my world seemed to crumble all around me, Lizzie was always there.  Dogs are like that.  I hope for Lizzie that she knows how much she too is loved.